Have you ever been riding your bike when out of nowhere a gust of wind kicks up and almost knocks you over? Trying to peddle into blowing wind is quite a chore. It is a major struggle to move forward.
Any bike rider who has experienced this knows this feeling of being held back from progress.
But what about the opposite?
What about the time you are riding your bike when out of nowhere a gust of wind kicks up at your back and begins to push you forward. Chances are you cannot as easily recall that feeling. The push forward, while helpful, is not as memorable.
Cornell psychologist Thomas Gilovich uses this idea in a discussion of the enemies of gratitude. Gilovich calls this the headwinds/tailwinds asymmetry, which he says is, “our tendency to see the things that are holding us back more clearly than the good things that are pushing us forward.”
We very easily recognize the obstacles in our way. We overlook the passages that are guiding us down the right path.
It is common to dwell on the traffic jam we experience on the way to work. We are not as quick to recall a time when we hit all the green lights and made it to the office 5 minutes early.
We remember every occasion we pick the wrong line at the grocery store but we forget about the times when the checkout register opened up right as we finished shopping.
Gilovich recognizes this and says we can use it to our advantage. He suggests that we use our obstacles to tell a story. This serves two purposes: it will make us more grateful and it will make us more interesting.
All you have to do is look to sports and Hollywood to see that people are fascinated by stories about overcoming obstacles.
Sports fans remember their team’s incredible comebacks and movies are made about the man at the end of the bench who comes out of nowhere to make the improbable game winning shot.
Very rarely do fans talk about the game where the other team played poorly and their team won with ease. No one wants to watch a movie about the star center who dominates simply because he is a foot taller than everyone else.
So if you are going to dwell on the obstacles, you might as well use them to your benefit. In addition to getting the social currency of telling a compelling tale, this allows us to take delight in our struggles and by doing that, we can start to see our struggles more positively.
And that is definitely something to be thankful for!
